Brooklyn Public Library: More of a Business Than an Accessible Public Institution?
In our society, the stigma of marriage as a necessity for health and well-being exists. As an element of this stigma, individuals are often coerced into the pursuit of marriage. They may feel a great necessity to achieve the goal of marriage in order to be socially acceptable. They may have apprehension about the future of said marriages. They may question possible activities which could foster a stronger marriage. Women may fear the possibility of an abusive marriage. In five distinct research articles of the American Psychological Association, these aspects of marriage were studied.
The overall flavor of these articles suggest that marriage is to be desired. It is a social institution that requires a great amount of time and effort to maintain. Marriage has benefits for both partners. Marriage retention techniques of varying degrees are also discussed.
In one study regarding happiness and change in marriage, Richard E. Lucas and colleagues (Lucas, 2004) attempted to determine if married couples would report higher levels of health and happiness than single individuals. It was hypothesized that the married couples would be happier and healthier than their non-married counterparts. However, after careful measurement and consideration of such statements, the scientific conclusion was quite different. The results indicated that most people who participated in the study were no more satisfied with life after marriage than they were prior to marriage. However, in the event that the marriage should fail, some individuals were not able to return to the same level of happiness. Instead, they found themselves in a lessened degree of satisfaction with themselves and with life in general. They at times felt as though they had failed, and therefore, were not worthy of marriage.
Another study, which was conducted by Dr. Lawrence A Kurdek of Wright State University, (Kurdek, 2005), deals with the first ten years of marriage. In this study, Dr. Kurdek found that a waxing and waning of marital quality occurs and should be expected. If married couples understand the natural flow of such occurrences, then the shock of such will be greatly diminished. The suggestion for couples in long-term marriages is to become familiar with the “waves of passion,” prepare for highs and lows, and realize that in times these waves will pass. Doing so will greatly diminish the tension and frustration which often accompanies these periods of time.
Married couples often engage in activities which foster the stability of their relationships, often without realizing that they are doing so. The use of rituals, especially those of a religious or holiday manner, is a wonderful way to get in touch with their spouse. Religion serves as a stable ground for couples and families in an ever-changing and competitive society. Rituals serve as a security for continuance in a manner familiar to the couple. In the event that religion and rituals are visited in the same event, such events serve as a near inevitable means for growth in the marriage bond.
A study on increased marital satisfaction and religious holiday rituals was conducted in 2000 by Barbara H. Fiese and Thomas J. Tomcho of Syracuse University. (Fiese, 2001) In their study, 120 different couples who had young children and who had been married for at least five years were interviewed. Religion and rituals were related to how happy the couple felt, primarily because these practices provide a sense of meaning and sharing in the relationship. Couples were asked questions such as, “Do you laugh together?” and “How often do you confide secrets to your mate?” 95% of all participants said that they engaged in some sort of religious or ritual behaviors in their household, while only 67% reported feeling fully satisfied with the relationship. The researchers indicate that the most common factor accounting for this difference seemed to stem from whether or not these rituals were enjoyed as a family, or if one spouse was left to handle them and the children on their own.
Over time, married couples may claim that they love each other more in the present than they ever did in the past. In actuality, studies of such claims suggest that the levels of love remain relatively the same over time in a committed relationship. The difference of feelings are a result of added security in the bond of marriage, therefore bringing about greater amounts of warm feelings regarding the relationship. Fear of divorce also diminishes as time passes on.
In an article titled “I Love You More Today Than Yesterday,” Dr. Susan Sprecher of Illinois State University discusses how love tends to grow and foster over time. (Sprecher, 2000) In her study of 101 heterosexual married couples, both perceived and actual changes in love, commitment, and satisfaction were studied over four years. Upon conclusion of the study, 59 % of the partners had gotten a divorce. Of these individuals, reports of decreased commitment and satisfaction were common, yet these same people said that the love they felt never actually changed before the divorce. The results of the study indicate that the divorce did not occur because feelings of love disappeared. Rather, the relationships ended because of unhappiness or dissatisfaction that developed over time.
Long-term marriages tend to shift attention from one area of involvement to another, often called the “honeymoon effect” and the “after the honeymoon effect.” In the first instance, love in the relationship is one of total and complete admiration. In the latter, love is an understanding for the other partner.
In some cases, a spouse may feel the need to use tactics to keep their marriage together rather than regular fostering of commitment and satisfaction. In a study conducted by Dr. Todd K. Shackleford and Dr. David M. Buss of the University of Texas at Austin, men report that making money and providing will keep their marriage together, while women report having a good figure and beauty will. Both spouses may use guilt trips, reverse psychology, scare tactics, or threats to facilitate desired outcomes in the marriage. Often, the ending results of such tactics is the dissolved marriage. In essence, backwards tactics such as these tend to backfire on the person using them.
Sources:
Lucas, Richard E. (2004). Re-Examining Adaptation and the Set Point Model of Happiness: Reactions to Change in Marital Status. Found in: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Volume. 84, No. 3.
Kurdek, Lawrence A. (2005). The Nature and Predictors of the Trajectory of Change in Marital Quality for Husbands and Wives over the First 10 Years of Marriage. Found in: Journal of Developmental Psychology, Volume 35, No. 5.
Fiese, Barbara H., and Tomcho, Thomas J. (2001). Finding Meaning in Religious Practices: The Relation Between Religious Holiday Rituals and Marital Satisfaction. Found in: Journal of Family Psychology. , Volume 15, No. 4.
Sprecher, Susan (2000). I Love You More Today Than Yesterday: Romantic Partners’ Perceptions of Change in Love and Related Affect Over Time. Found in: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Volume 76, No. 1
Shackleford, Dr. Todd K., and Buss, Dr. David M.(1998). From Vigilance to Violence: Mate Retention Tactics in Married Couples. Found in: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol. 72, No. 2.
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